S4E5: Latoya Counts it All Joy as Her Love Transcends the Prison Walls

When Latoya faced the unimaginable heartbreak of her son's incarceration, she could have been consumed by grief, shame, and isolation. But for this courageous mother, the prison walls did not define the end of hope. 

In this powerful episode, we hear the story of a mother who found strength, peace, and purpose through her unwavering faith in God. She shares how prayer, scripture, and the support of her faith community have transformed her pain into perseverance. Join us as we explore her emotional journey—from despair to spiritual resilience—and discover how God's presence can bring light even in the darkest midnight.

And as always, Annie and I would love to hear from you. How have you experienced joy amidst sorrow? What, from this episode, do you resonate with or continue to grapple with? Please share your story with us on IG @davenialeawrites, or on FB @annieraney.

Finally, your reviews mean the world to us, and they also assist us in spreading God's message of hope and victory across the globe! So please leave us a review on your favorite podcast player or on our Podcast Webpage 

🔗 Again, don’t forget to subscribe, share, and leave a review to keep the conversation going!

Today's episode song is If I Could by Regina Belle. Please note this song is for your listening enjoyment only and cannot be downloaded or shared.

Thanks for listening! From our hearts to yours!!

Transcript

Annie: Welcome to the Didn't Ask to Be a Hero podcast.

I'm your host, Annie Raney. In each episode, we will get an opportunity to see how ordinary women are now living amazing, abundant and extraordinary lives with God's help.

May their stories serve to encourage and inspire you. Let's get started.

Hello, listeners.

I am excited to be back. I know the last episode,

Divinia,

recorded a great episode and I miss being with that guest.

So I'm excited to be here for our guest today.

And I really believe this is going to be a very interesting and enlightening episode.

And I'm so glad that you joined us today. And you know, I'd like to say that,

you know, Mother's Day wasn't too long ago, just a few weeks ago. And it's a special day and it's special holiday.

I mean, people from,

you know, all walks of life stop what they're doing just to pay homage to their, to their mothers. So mothers are very special. And so therefore, we have a very special mother in with us today who's going to be, we're going to be interviewing.

So before we introduce her,

I want to welcome my co host, Divinia. Hi, Divinia.

Davenia: Hi, honey. So glad you're back.

Annie: I know it's so good to be here.

And I know I'm going to say,

I'm going to start it off by saying we want to welcome Latoya to our interview today. Hi, Latoya.

Latoya: Hello.

Annie: If we can just get started just a little bit to give our listeners an idea of who you are now. What were you like growing up? Where'd you grow up? And, you know, what do you do?

How would you describe yourself? Just all about you.

Latoya: Right.

Well, I was born in Illinois.

I come from a family of 11. So it's 11 of us, seven boys, four girls and, and my grandmother moved here back when we were like, I was like maybe 12 years old.

So my mom packed all of us up and she drove all the way here from Illinois up here to Georgia. And I've been in Georgia ever since.

So I have five children now. I have two teenagers and three adults.

So currently right now I'm in school. I'm working on my bachelor's.

I work in the kindergarten. So I work alongside with lead teacher in kindergarten classroom.

And so I thought I wanted to do hair, so I used to do that coming up,

babysit my nieces and nephews a lot. And I kind of reverted back here with wanting to be in a classroom and kind of make a Difference. I love teaching, whether it be the word or just any.

Anything. Anything that I have knowledge of, I just love to be able to teach it. So I'm currently working on that and stuff. And.

And so here we are now.

And I've been doing more far as discipling now with my church.

So we're growing, growing and growing and growing. So I've been doing that because we have like, squads. Well, we do like smaller groups and we come together.

Squad leaders have these smaller groups in their homes. And somewhat of what I do. Cause on Thursdays I do a meeting, women's ministry. So we pretty much get together. I create this, like, safe space for women.

And we come together,

we.

We pray, we read where we talk about it and, you know, just kind of just share with one another, just fellowship. So I'm pretty excited about that and just seeing what God is doing in there and stuff like that.

So that's pretty much somewhat of my backstory.

Annie: I love it. I love it. It was so, you know, you wrapped it up really well and told us a lot about yourself in just like a couple minutes.

And I hear a little bit of that sweet tea Georgia twang, and I love it.

And wow, this is perfect. I just mentioned Mother's Day and not knowing that you're the mother of five.

And,

you know, you got both adult and teenage children.

I'm sure you've got gazillion stories to unpack there,

but you also touched upon the hearts of divinion and me because we are both educators and so. Oh, wow. Awesome. Para educators are amazing. And you're working towards your bachelor's in education.

That's super awesome.

And so we are excited to have you as our guest today. And you know, because like I said, there's so many things we could ask you based upon what you said.

But I really want to get to the heart of our story today because I think it is.

While I think it might be unique,

unfortunately, it may not be unique. So we reaching listeners that could really benefit from hearing this story. That. And we want to thank you so much for being willing to share it with us.

And so I'm going to say,

first of all, maybe you can tell us the story of one of your children, specifically.

I don't know if you want to share how they got to where they are, but whatever you're willing to share just to tell us about,

you know, how and maybe where they are right now.

Latoya: Okay. So this is my second oldest,

my oldest son.

He's 24,

so got into some trouble. Right now he's doing 10 years here in Georgia from arm robbery.

But didn't know he was really into my son. He's kind of like. He's this people person. He's really cool, nice person.

But, you know,

he can be very secretive. He doesn't like to really speak on some things that he's going through. Just going through some things. And didn't really have his dad really too much.

His dad was in another state, so he wasn't really active much in his life. And I know that was something. I could just tell by his interactions with his uncles or just men in general that it was something that, you know, he really wanted and desired.

But a neighborhood that we were living in when they were younger.

Some guys that he went to school. Well, one of the guys he went to school with,

he was at a young age, probably like middle school. And he was robbing and, you know, breaking in cars and stuff. Some of the things that this guy, this young man was doing.

And of course, I left that neighborhood in Atlanta. I left that neighborhood almost 10 years ago.

And so we stay pretty much in a. You know, of course, crimes everywhere, but it's not as it was where I was at. So it was much better living.

So we were here and somehow, you know, trouble finds you somehow, some way.

So this same individual came across. It happened. My son was in the gas station and came across this young guy.

And of course, you know,

everything transpired when it transpired within a short period of time. And I know months later,

everything started to come out little by little.

One of my friends,

she happened to been coming home with her children with some groceries, and there were a lot of cop cars that surrounded her house. And so they were interrogating her about my son.

And they showed her the picture and she recognized my son. And of course, she called me to let me know, like, they somewhat knew what was. They didn't know all of what was going on.

They just knew that they were looking for my son. And I'm kind of in the dark about what's going on. I don't know.

So I talked to the. I guess the detective or something, and she was like, oh, we just heard some things,

Someone was saying some things. And they wanted, you know, to talk to my son. And.

And so I was like, okay. So I got the number, called the lady, the detective, and she was like, well, yeah, we can make an appointment. You can bring him on down.

We just wanna talk to him about some stuff, some things or whatever. Didn't really Give me much details. So I was like, okay, talk to my son about it. He never told me anything.

He was like, okay.

I took him down, like the next day.

And when we got there,

they asked for his id. He showed him the id and then they immediately put him in handcuffs. And so everything started to unravel from there.

And it was pretty much, you know, they had hit up two cell phone stores and. Yeah, robbed two cell phone stores. And these guys are, of course, they're still, you know, out reason how they found him because of the car that they were in.

His wallet fell out in the car and his ID was in there.

But the crazy thing about it was they had his id, so they knew who he was.

And of course they have address too. But it was like they never came to my house. All I could think was that was just the goodness of God for them to not even never come to my house because of what I had going on here.

It was. That would have just been a lot, and I would have lost what I had my, you know, what I have here going on had they came here.

So I just looked at it like that was God, you know, here not allowing them to even come to my house.

So I never came to my house. But everything unraveled. We got that one case taken care of. He took a plea deal and my sister got him two lawyers, and.

And so it went from there.

But he's been in good spirit.

Davenia: Thank you again for sharing. And,

you know, you said that you.

You had no clue what was going on because he's very private.

And so. So when you realized the severity of what was happening,

how did you handle that and how did your son handle it?

Latoya: He actually handled it well.

I mean,

like I said, he. Eventually, of course, he couldn't tell us much over the phone, but, like, during our visits, he would. Well, more so he told the attorney what was going on when the attorney came.

And so that's how we kind of found out what was going on. And we didn't really know for sure,

like, how everything transpired until we were able to actually go visit him in person when he actually made it to the prison. And that's when our conversations were more secure to where we can actually talk to get an understanding of, like, what happened, how did this transpire and all this stuff.

So, like I said, he handled it well. He was pretty calm through it all.

I know it was very stressful because he did want to come home,

but he did pretty good handling,

was a lot for me,

Very upset.

It broke Me a little bit.

When seeing him in that courtroom, when he came in with handcuffs on,

that really hurt, just seeing my son in handcuffs. But I couldn't do nothing but turn to God,

as I always had.

I had to pray my way through it. I had to pray all of us through that, because that was. Because I didn't know what the outcome was going to be.

I did not know.

So. But I knew that whatever it was, God was going to work it out. And I knew that he was already working it out just based on how everything transpired the way he did.

Davenia: Yeah. And you described how it was seeing him in court for the first time. How was that first visit seeing him in the courtroom or in the PR or.

Latoya: Oh, well,

as far as. Of course, the courtroom, like I said, that was.

I just cried.

But as far as my first, when I finally was able, I had already been seeing him when he was in the jail. So we were able to see. But we were able to only see on video.

So,

you know, I was okay. Of course, I was sad in those moments, but. And then, of course, it took a process. Cause once he left that jail and then he got transferred over, he had to go over this intake system that took about 30 days or so.

So we couldn't visit him during that time while he was at that intake center. We had to wait till he actually got placed to the main prison. So that took a couple months before we were able to see him.

So we were able to talk over the phone. So, you know, we had that until we were able to see him. But when I finally got a chance to see him,

it was.

I teared up a little bit, but I felt that I did pretty good compared to some. I did, really.

I didn't break down or anything. I had a little. I was a little teary,

but I was just relieved to see him. You know, just being able to see him and, you know, it's bittersweet times that we do see him, and when he has to get back in line and, you know, go back, you know, it's sad, but for the most part, you know,

I'm in good spirit. You know, I'm. I'm good. You know, I get my moments of being sad, but I'm good.

Annie: Latoya, I'd like to dive in a little bit to something I'm actually interested in.

When we hear about somebody who is in the trouble, like. Like your son got into,

committed a crime, and now is in prison,

there are a lot of stereotypes and stigmas that go along with this,

such as that kid must have been raised by poorly.

So there's a stigma that's placed on the child and then also on the parent, that the parent isn't a good person. So how do you, how, how would you respond to that if people are questioning that?

Latoya: Yeah, um, I. I deal with that a lot. I mean, not deal with it, but I hear that a lot. Because even in a school system,

we come across a lot of children with behaviors and issues, and the first thought that comes to mind is always,

oh, how are they being raised? Or their parents are this and their parents are that.

And, you know, being in a situation like that, it's like it's not the parents always.

In some cases, it may be the parents, because you never know where these kids are coming up at and what's their everyday routine far as with their parents and who's in the house or whatever.

You just never know. But that's not the case for all people. You know, I did raise my son as a single mother until I did get married.

But, you know,

my son. I brought my son up in church.

You know,

he was. My son is a. He's a good son. You know, everybody love. You know, he's a people's person. It's just unfortunate that you. You have to be careful about who you keep in your circle or who you even hanging with.

You do have to be careful and mindful of that, because I don't care how spiritual are, how Christian you are, or how good your home is,

trouble will find you sometimes. And that's just. That's just life in general.

So it's.

I think that we should not get into that habit of always.

When our young men or even women, you know, get in trouble, find themselves in trouble. We need to stop looking at the parents all the time, because it's not always the parents.

I felt guilty for a minute, you know, because I didn't know what was going on with my son. I did not know.

But I had to learn that I can't take blame for something that my adult son did. Even though my son was lost in the world and he came across the wrong people and.

And this wasn't his lifestyle. That was not his lifestyle. It was just that he's just being involved and sometimes trying to fit in or whatever the case may be. There's so many reasons.

There's so many factors that fall into place far as why they do what they do, and it's just some. Some of the. Some of those reasons we just won't find out about.

But I, I, no, my son did not,

was not raised like that. I didn't come up that way. He was not raised that way. Um, he didn't see that coming up with us, you know what I'm saying?

That's part of the reason why I got him out of that neighborhood, because of the things that were going on in that neighborhood that I didn't want my kids surrounded by.

It's just being out here. And again, trouble will find you regardless of where you go. That's just, that's just life, and that just happens.

Annie: I love the way that you said that. And it's like you're not placing blame, nor are you trying to take away any kind of responsibility for either parent or the child.

But. Okay, so suppose there are mothers listening whose sons or daughters are in trouble with the law or something. What are some words of encouragement that you might want to give them?

Because it's, it's really, it's not easy. Like you said, you're a good person. You raise your child in the church. You yourself went to the church. You were working hard and, you know, doing everything that we would think, oh, that's what a mother's supposed to do.

And yet sometimes things can go wrong even if the child is a good person.

So what are some words of encouragement based on what you've been through that you would give them?

Latoya: Love them regardless. I know sometimes we could play the bank blame game all day. You did this, you did that, whatever.

But regardless the situation is what it is,

love them, be there to support them, encourage them, be honest.

If it they, whatever they did, they did it. They know. But don't make them feel guilty about it. Don't make them feel guilty about it because they already in the place where they're at.

And you just being in a place like that, you don't know what that does on a person's mind because they're surrounded by a lot of things that some of them don't want to talk about because it's a lot that goes on behind in those prisons.

So my encouragement to be just love on them and just be there for them and support them. Pray them through that because they need it.

They need it. Pray them through it.

No,

they're my son. I've trained them up their, their mornings. I got them up every morning, early in the morning. And you know what kid wants to get up early in the morning, they have to do worship and pray and go to church.

This, that, and other. I've done that. But they Acknowledge those things. They are aware of these things. They know these things. Even if they don't say it, they know.

And I remember that first letter my son sent me after he got incarcerated. He said, mama, I see. I understand it. I understand why you did what you did. I understand why you was getting us up, taking us to church.

Annie: This.

Latoya: And they understand it. They know you don't have to throw it in their face.

It's a way of talking to them, and it's a way of addressing certain things. Like, you know,

why. You know, why did you feel you had to do it? Or, you know, like, this is why I.

This is why I said what I said. It's not a. Oh,

if you would have listened to me. No, it's a way of addressing everything that you address. It's a way of doing it.

Davenia: I so agree.

And I love how you're just so describing our continued role as parent no matter what our child has done, no matter where they are. And our job is to continue to love them through it.

And we're to be that reflection of Christ. So we should extend that grace and that mercy.

Exactly. And let them know that no matter what you've done, Christ still loves you.

And that you have this opportunity for redemption, forgiveness.

Latoya: Because the Word says, love is patient, it is kind. You know, all those wonderful things. So it's just a matter of. Even if one thing I learned about being a Christian and being a mother is I can't.

I can do my best to raise you, but I gotta put. You gotta go out into this world, and you gotta figure it out yourself. I can't protect you from everything.

I can't keep you from everything. As much as I want to, I can't. But I can install and put all these things in you. You just gotta figure it out.

But I'm gonna be here to support you. I'm gonna be here to love you, and I'm gonna also be here to tell you when you're wrong.

That's not the right way. Because I can't shelter you and making you think that everything you do is just good because you're my son. No, it's not the right move.

It's not the right move. But I'm here and I love you and I support you and I'm here for you.

Davenia: And I also love how you say that as parents,

we can't carry that guilt around, especially,

you know, for our adult children, because ultimately, it's their choice. Ultimately,

they have to decide which road they'll take.

They have to come to know Christ for themselves and establish that relationship. And so,

you know, yes,

it may hurt and it may be hard.

Um, you know, so. So my question for you is how in the midst of the pain or. Or the sorrow,

how do you experience joy?

Or how do you see beautiful again?

Latoya: How.

Davenia: How do you hold those two, the sorrow and the joy in the same space?

Latoya: Because I'm a believer, I have faith, and because I have other children too. You know,

I mean, that's just like with death. It's not the end of the world. Life is not over. There's still beauty in life. You know, I still have other children.

I still have a life and all these other things to be grateful for. It's always a positive in the midst of a negative. Regardless of what's going on in life, it's always something to look at and be like, you know, I feel like a lot of those things that we go through in life,

they're distractions. Sometimes it's just. It's a distraction to keep you from being focused on what the goal is. We all have a goal. We all have a purpose. And that's just.

That was just the detour.

But getting back on that path and staying clear and staying a course of what I'm supposed to be doing and knowing that God is going to see me through it.

He's going to see him through it, through just. I mean,

I'm in awe because of just the stories that I've been told, you know, the things that were going on there, that God has kept him safe. Hey, God has covered him.

And I know that God is hearing the prayers. He's hearing those prayers, and he's answering those prayers. He's keeping my son safe. My son could have been battered, abused, all kind of different things up in there, but he's not.

He's safe. He's well. He's in good spirit. Of course, there are days that he's down and he's just ready to come home and whatever, but for the most part, he's good, he's safe,

and he's in his right mind. And the fact that I can. I know that my son has a release date. Some of them don't have a release date. Some of them are doing 20 years and more.

He doesn't.

So looking at that, and that keeps me positive and knowing that that time is coming, he'll be coming home soon. God is reassuring. He's going to come home soon. He just.

He. He's there for what he's done there. And I know that God is going to work in him. He's going to do sometimes. God got to isolate you sometimes and just put you by yourself and that's okay.

If that's what he got to do, then that's what he just got to do. I'm good with it.

Annie: Latoya, can I borrow your glasses? They say that some people look through rose colored glasses and your view of your situation is just. There's such a positivity and it definitely your faith is shining through.

Because I don't know how someone can get through something so difficult without the faith in God.

Okay, so I have to ask this question because I was thinking I recently know somebody in my community, in my church whose child has, you know, come into some trouble and so appealing.

So. But now I want to address the other people in the community, be it in the church or the neighborhood that is not in that situation. But they know a parent that is in that situation.

But they're kind of feeling uncomfortable. They're like, oh my goodness, this is so different from what I'm used to.

How do I approach, Should I approach them? Should I say something? I do want to help them, but I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to say that's, you know, going to be. That's going to set them off or make them upset. What would you say is some of the best things that people can do who want to support a parent whose child is in some kind of trouble?

What could they say or do?

Latoya: Go to God about that? Like, okay, God, I see this need, I need this concern and I want to help this person, but I don't know how.

God always will open up some kind of door. He will open. He will, he will open it up to the point where he will.

It'll flow in a way where the opportunity presents itself to where you can share or be able to help or however.

But it's just a matter of just trusting God and coming to God about it because it's on your heart. You want to help, but you just don't know how because you don't want to be forceful on it.

Because some people are not that open to share.

I'm an open person.

I love. I don't mind talking about it because I feel like my story can help somebody else. And I feel like it has helped other people in other things that I've gone through that helped somebody else.

So just shining some light on that. But for that other mother that may not be as open.

That's Just something that I feel like you're going to have to ask God about.

Asking God to just open their heart to be able to be receiving of it and to be able to help you to be able to open that door because you want that person to feel comfortable with you.

Because the person's not going to open up if they're not comfortable with you anyway.

So just being able to create that space where they feel like they're, they're. They can trust you and be able to share that. You just be amazed at how when a person feels comfortable with you, what they just open their mouth and just start sharing.

Davenia: You just shed light on so many,

many different things. And I believe your story,

as you said,

will continue to be a source of help.

How do you handle the holidays? We were just talking about Mother's Day or Christmas or so forth. How do you handle those times when your son isn't there?

Latoya: The holidays are getting better for me. Holidays. We will schedule visits to go see him so we do get a chance to go visit him on those holidays. So I mean, I would.

I handle my holidays pretty much as any other person. And sometimes I feel a little guilty like I used to.

I've talked to my daughter and I talked to God about like, I feel guilty because it's like,

shouldn't I be boohooing and all this extra stuff? You know, should I be doing all that? But then it comes back to my mind like, God, you're doing just what I'm asking you.

You're giving me the grace, you're giving me the strength, you're giving me the comfort to bear through this.

So I shouldn't feel guilty because you're giving me what I need. Because who wants to be sad every day?

Nobody wants to be sad every day.

Of course you're human. So you're going to feel sad from time to time. And I do get. I feel sad from time to time.

But it doesn't overwhelm me to the point where I'm just like down because I can still go see them.

Davenia: So is there a particular Bible text or passage of scripture that's been inspirational to you? That's been your go to text.

Latoya: One that just came to mind as you was just speaking. I'm thinking about this scripture.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

And then when I really think about that scripture, it's like I really can like all the things that I've experienced. You know that saying, you don't look like what you've been through person can look at you and wouldn't even be able to tell all the things you have gone through until you tell them your story and be like,

what?

Like, people look at me and they. They're amazed when I tell them I have five kids. They're amazed that I have adults. You know, it's like people just never know.

But that's just the goodness of God. That's just God, you know? So.

Annie: Latoya, I want to thank you so much. I wish we could keep going and believe it or not, I can't believe 30 minutes has, like, gone by so fast because you're just so.

Your story is fascinating and. But even more fascinating than your story is the way that you told it, because it reminded me of a couple of bible verses. So first I thought about,

you know, for listeners, if you're a mother out there or father and you're listening and your child is in some kind of trouble, whether it is prison or something else, and they're down, maybe they're facing mental health crisis or physical health crisis.

You know, in the book of Deuteronomy, chapter 31,

both verses 6 and 8, they remind us to be strong and of a good courage. Just listen to Latoya's story and how she spoke.

It says, be strong and of a good courage. Fear not, nor be afraid of them. For the lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee. He will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.

And you have to. Though it's fun to read and memorize those verses, but believe it and to live it,

especially if you're. I mean, come on, look at what happened with. She takes her child to the police station and she doesn't go home with him.

I mean, that's. Every parent's, like, worst nightmare to not go home with their child.

You know, that's. And yet,

you know, they're down days. Was she upset? Sad? Sure.

But she knows that God is with her son, wherever he is.

And that is the hope that we want to bring you listeners through this episode.

And I think just listening to Latoya, I am thinking of so many things in my life, and honestly, all the struggles in my life, but the way she's talking about it just made me smile.

And I'd like to close with. In the book of James,

chapter one,

it says, my brother, my brethren, count it all. What? Count it all. Joy,

joy,

when ye fall into diverse temptations knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.

But let patience have her perfect work. That ye May be perfect and entire,

wanting nothing.

And my friends, if we can take anything away from today,

we know that God is with us. And God is still with them.

And so we have to count it all, Joy, no matter what. Latoya, thank you so much for being our guest today. And listeners, from our heart to yours, this song's for you.