S4E2: Annie and Davenia Dish It Out: From Birthday Blues to Bucket Lists to Being Boldly Beautiful for Such a Time as This

Annie and Davenia dish it out as they chat off script about the joys (that would be sarcastic) of aging :-). From the birthday blues to bucket lists to seeing the beauty in the season there in.

In this episode we referenced two previous episodes that relate to our discussion. We hope you'll check them out too!

56 and not afraid to tell it with Kwavi

The sky's the limit with Joann

We also refenced our "scars" photoshoot. One year later, here you go - Beautifully and Wonderfully Made

And as always, Annie and I would love to hear from you. How are you aging gracefully? What's on your bucket list? Please share your story with us on IG @davenialeawrites, or on FB @annieraney.

Finally, your reviews mean the world to us, and they also assist us in spreading God's message of hope and victory across the globe! So please leave us a review on your favorite podcast player or on our Podcast Webpage 

Tell us what you think of this episode and we'd also love to hear your story!

Today's episode song is Reflection by Christina Aguilera. Please note this song is for your listening enjoyment only and cannot be downloaded or shared.

Thanks for listening! From our hearts to yours!!

Transcript

Annie: Welcome to the Didn't Ask to Be a Hero podcast. I'm your host, Annie Raney. In each episode, we will get an opportunity to see how ordinary women are now living amazing, abundant and extraordinary lives with God's help.

May their stories serve to encourage and inspire you. Let's get started.

Hi, listeners. How are you all doing today?

Well, today is going to be a very, very interesting episode, so I am glad you tuned in because it's going to be a chit chat with Annie and Divinia. And so before we start, because you may be wondering about what the topic is, there's a Bible verse that's been one of my favorites since I was young,

but it starts to mean something different at every stage of my life. You know, teenage years, my 20s, becoming a wife, becoming a mom. So if you all can guess this bible verse, Ecclesiastes 3,

beginning with Ecclesiastes chapter 3, beginning with verse 1. To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. A time to be born and a time to die.

A time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted. And it goes on for several verses, all listing that there's a time for everything.

So, listeners, today, it's a time for Divinia and I to have a chat with you, with each other about where we are in our lives. Both Divinia and I recently are celebrating our birthdays.

Mine is February 8th and. Hi, Divinia, when's your birthday?

Davenia: Hi, Annie. March 12th. It's around the corner.

Annie: Yes, it is.

Davenia: 55. 55.

Annie: Praise the Lord.

Davenia: Praise the Lord.

Annie: There was a time to be born and it was. So we want to talk today about what that means. Divinia and I are both in our 50s. And what is that like?

And what is this, the season for Divinia? What do you think?

Davenia: Yeah, I think it's a timely topic because the other seasons that you mentioned, you know, in your teen years, your 20s, 30s,

even 40s, it seemed like there was. There was lots of talk about those seasons,

phases of life. It seems like you sort of had a template, if you will. But I don't know about you, but I just feel that after being slammed into the 50s,

all of a sudden I'm just like, oh, where's my plan? Where's my template? And, and, and it's nothing like I had envisioned, even though I don't even know if I even envisioned me 50 something.

Like, I remember watching that show 30 something back in. I don't know, was it High school and thinking, oh my gosh, they are so old with so many old people problems.

40s. And then I remember, you know, Oprah and that whole bandwagon of the 40s are great. That's like your, the best time ever of your life. And, and so now I'm mid-50s and I'm wondering like,

hey, where's the template? Where's the big rah rah rah?

Annie: You know, it's funny, Divinia, you mentioned that, because I thought about it when you're little, like you're four and five, you can't wait to turn five and go to kindergarten. You're excited about that.

And then you can't wait to, oh, I'm, I'm now in fifth or sixth grade, I'm in the top of the class, I'm going to middle school. And they're all these age milestones that you can't wait to get to.

I can't wait to turn 13. Oh my goodness, sweet 16. And then, hold on, 18. Woohoo. Let's celebrate. I'm an adult. Wait, then 21, you're a full adult then we're still excited to be like, oh my goodness, I'm 25.

I'm you know, a quarter of a century and it's so exciting. And then you're like, okay, 30s are pretty cool nowadays and you feel really young. So all through our life, we start, we're looking forward to everything except as women,

like you said, there is no hey, come join the 50s. It's awesome over here. It's more like, oh, 50s, everything hurts. We're hot and sweaty all the time and, and it's not fun over here.

That's what we always thought. Yeah.

Davenia: And we don't talk about it, you know. Well, or at least a lot of the talk I'm hearing now is, you know, this growing old gracefully and, and I'm trying, but like you just said, when you wake up in the morning, you know, you used to jump out of bed and now I get to think about it and it's like jumping might cause me to twist my knee or.

But you know, and yeah, everything's different. You look in the mirror and it's.

Annie: Like, who's that old lady?

Davenia: Right? Yes, yes.

Although it was bags under my eyes and that gray hair and yeah. So it's all different. And so I thought it. I agree with you. I think it'll be a great conversation to talk about it because like that text you just read, read.

And I'm going to read two more so I'm going to read Psalm from Psalms 1, verses 3.

And it reads,

he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water that brings forth its fruit in its season,

whose leaves also shall not wither, and whatever he does shall pop, prosper.

So again, speaking to seasons. So they're different seasons of our lives, but in each season we're called to bring forth fruit, right? And then Psalms 92,

verses 14 and 15,

they shall still bear fruit in old age. They shall be fresh and flourishing to declare that the Lord is upright, he is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in him.

So in this season, again, what verse?

You didn't know what's in there, did you? Psalm 92, verse 14.

They shall still bear fruit in old age. And then. And then it said, they shall be fresh and flourishing. And so as I've been meditating on these two verses,

instead of focusing on. On all the things that seem to be going south and changing and. And seem uncertain and unsure,

thinking about the beauty of this season and trying to look at this season in my life as a new, fresh season and a time for me to flourish and figuring out, well, what does that look like now?

Despite the hot flashes,

despite the gray hair and the extra pounds, despite all of that during this season,

how can I be fresh and flourishing?

Annie: You know, Divinia, I have to comment because I feel, though, that it's this. Honestly, it's this period of 50 to maybe 60, 65,

that is just a downer for women. Because if you make it past 65, everybody's always. You'll see, especially if you make it to 70. So it's like 50 to 70.

If somebody goes, Honey, I'm 72 years old. I'm 75. I'm 70. Everybody's like, oh, my goodness, you look amazing. But if you go, honey, I am 52 people look at you, okay?

You're old. Thanks for telling us. Do you know what I mean? Like, they celebrate it when you're over 75 and 70 and looking great or whatever. But then if you're just 50, we as women, we want to hide our age when lie about it or we feel bad.

And I'd like to talk to you about how do you and I still find our joy and how do we think of ourselves as still beautiful?

Davenia: That's the challenge, Right? I think what you just said is the answer. It's how do we think about it? Yeah. So I. So it's. It's our mindset and it's the messages we allow to run through our heads.

And yes,

society's giving us this. These messages, and everywhere we turn,

we're being fed, you know, these negative thoughts. But we have to choose to change the tape, to change our playlist, to. To.

To begin to see ourselves as God sees us. And so just from those two texts or the three texts that we've shared so far,

God doesn't see us as irrelevant or less valued. He actually said we could be fresh and flourishing in our old age. And so,

yeah, I think it's changing our mindset.

Annie: And,

you know, Divinia, I actually, I. I need to be inspired by you because I've always wanted to write this book, like, I think a little. Not little children, but, well,

a book for children and maybe, who knows, even adults. But I have the title of it and I have the idea it's based off of everything you just said and changing our mindset.

Because my mom,

you know, when we all think of our mothers, we see them as older ladies because they're our mothers. And I remember my mom, though I always saw her as beautiful.

Even though towards the end of her life, she was very. She got. She was on dialysis, she got sick. She had. But her hair was this beautiful silver, not even gray, but, you know, to everybody else, she would have looked like an old lady.

But to me, I thought I just saw her as gorgeous and.

And I didn't see myself that way, but I saw her as this. And I. The title of my book is Every Wrinkle Tells a Story. And it was like. Because everything that my mom had been through when I knew who she was and what she'd been through, how she fought to raise us and,

you know, I mean, fought with life, and she struggled to raise us and did such an amazing. How she loved us and everything, right? So it's funny, though, I could see the beauty in her.

But then I thought to myself, as I was thinking about this book,

our experiences sometimes make us more beautiful to others and they should be to ourselves. The reason I say that is I've always struggled with. I think because I was always as, well, I was a skinny child.

But then I became a chubby older child. And so I was teased about being overweight or whatever, and, you know, as many women do, I suffered with the whole weight gain loss stuff and thinking that I was only going to be beautiful if I was skinny.

That was honestly the way I thought.

So I'll tell you the interesting thing. I mean, as listeners, if you've heard any of other podcasts you all know that, you know, I went through breast cancer in 2020.

Now I'm a grown old woman at that time, right? Compared to a 20 year old during my 20s, during my teen years, even during my 30s, I could not look in the mirror and say, hey, beautiful.

Okay, this is interesting because it was what I was going through in my experiences that made me say that for the first time to look into a mirror. It was when I, you know, lost all my hair.

And actually I had my first surgery, which was one single mastectomy. And you know, that's kind of this. I got these, what you might think of as ugly scars or whatever.

But what's interesting is I looked in the mirror and I'm seeing this person who's all scarred up, didn't have any hair, bald. And so if you've ever been through chemo or seen somebody, you get spots all over too.

So I looked in the mirror and for the first time in my entire life,

I said to myself,

annie,

you are beautiful. And I'm looking at my scars, tears are coming down my eyes. And the reason I said it was when I looked at the scar, when I looked at the quote, unquote ugly, bald, ish head, I saw my struggle.

I saw what I went through. I saw. And I also saw all the people that came around and encouraged and uplifted me and they showed me love. So I was like.

I looked in the mirror and I said, annie, you're beautiful,

you're loved. Because I felt the love, of course, of God. I've always felt God's love, by the way, but I felt the love of all these people, my, my family, my church family, my friends.

And it was the first time because of my experience and what I had been through,

my struggle, my journey with cancer, I sat here and I looked at the scars and that was a reminder. And I said,

you're beautiful and divine. That's the first time I ever said. And now if I look back at pictures of when I was in my teenage years or twenties, I'm like, I wasn't that fat.

And I look, I look kind of cute. Why didn't I know it then? It took me getting scarred up and going through this painful journey to say to myself, you're beautifully and wonderfully made by God, woman.

You are beautiful. And I thought to myself, when I think about every wrinkle telling a story, every scar tells a story. How many women out there have been through something, whether it's good or bad,

and that's what makes us I think beautiful at any age.

Davenia: Yes, exactly. And,

yeah, thanks for sharing that.

How many times do we avoid mirrors because we don't like what's reflecting back, but like what you just shared? When we can look in the mirror through a different lens, look in that mirror through the God lens and see ourselves as he sees us.

See ourselves as someone who is loved, someone who is worthy, who has endured, who has persevered, who has served him and served others. When we begin to change our language about ourselves,

see that inner beauty and focus less on the outward, then.

Then I think it begins to change our whole disposition. You know,

it begins to change how we carry ourselves because we believe that, yes, in fact, I am beautiful,

but I'm not so focused on the outward beauty as much as the inner.

Did you ever see that movie Shallow Hallelujah?

Annie: Yeah. Yes.

Davenia: It was out, like, in the early 2000.

Annie: Gwynnethaltrow and Jack Black. Yes, yes.

Davenia: And I think that's the perfect example of, you know, yes, it was fiction. But when he began to see women for what was inside, I love it.

Annie: Because in that movie, Gwyneth Paltrow, as you all know,

you know, she is.

She's gorgeous. And she's slim, she's tall, blonde, beautiful. So that's what he saw. He saw Gwyneth Paltrow and he was just like, you're gorgeous. And then when he took him her to meet his friends, they all looked at him like, that's not your usual type.

He's like, what do you mean, she's gorgeous? So he kept saying how amazing and gorgeous she was. And they're all looking at her up and down, and then they show them walking, and they walk by like a storefront or something, and he's like, all happy.

He's with this gorgeous, you know, size two woman, six foot or whatever. And in the reflection, though, they show the audience, the viewers, she's like, still tall and blonde, but she's like £300.

But that's why his friends were like, they saw the real her or not the real.

Davenia: They saw the real physical, physical her.

Annie: But he saw the real her and thought she was just the bee's knees and beautiful. And you're right, it's the lens.

Davenia: Yep, it's the lens. So we have to change our lens and go into this season of our lives celebrating because we have greater wisdom,

because we've been through lots of experiences. We have more time because,

you know, we don't have little children tugging at us and needing us.

And.

And we. We've had the,

have had so many amazing encounters with Christ. So we have a history of how he showed up and answered prayers and, and helped us in the past. And so yeah, so this season of our lives should be the season where we indeed are fresh and flourishing and ready to tackle whatever comes our way.

Annie: You know, Divinu, it's so like you said, it's a mindset, right. And remind me that we, we interviewed this amazing guest that I know you went and sort of part the one she's like 50s, 50.

Davenia: I think she'll be 57 next week. Happy birthday, Kwabi. Oh yeah.

Annie: Oh, happy birthday. And she's totally all about what we're saying now because she's in her 50s and she just celebrates the beauty of women in the. And the joy of growing older.

Davenia: Celebrated. Yeah. Celebrate every single day.

Annie: So what are we going to do to celebrate being in our 50s? Vineya? I don't want to ask that question because you scare me with now it's because we're celebrating doesn't mean we go to some like climbing up a cliff because, oh, let's celebrate.

Okay, that's not celebrating. Divinia.

Davenia: Well, I think that there are so many different ways you can celebrate. You know, I think I read this excellent book called Half Time by Bob Buford. And you know, it talks about, you know, around the age of 40, 50,

you know, start thinking about that second half of your life and instead of thinking of it as doom and gloom, think of it as opportunity to be repurposed. And you know, I think this is the time where we can think about what are those things we always wanted to do?

Is it that you want to travel somewhere? Is it that you want to change career paths? You want to. Annie, you mentioned the book you want to write and you shouldn't have said that in my presence because, you know, we'll be on it.

But whatever it is, I think this is the time in our lives where we can, we can do something new, something brave, take some risks and celebrate. Or it doesn't even have to be something that big.

It could just be, you know, celebrate yourself, have a spa day, celebrate yourself and go out to lunch with a friend and just enjoy this season.

The very fact that we're still here is a gift.

And so we should celebrate and make the most of every minute. You know, I was thinking, if I lived to be 85, I only have 30 more birthdays. Like they should be the most amazing 30 birthdays ever, you know, or I only have 30 more Christmases.

So make them count, make them meaningful, you know,

wow. And that's daring.

Annie: Okay, so, okay, so I have a challenge for you, Divinia, and for our listeners. Now, it's not really, you know, a bucket list. You can call it that if you want.

But I would say this is just like right now. Just I'm thinking of it on the spot. What are some things, as Divinia mentioned, that I would just like to do and see sometimes as a bucket list, we think, okay, when I retire or this summer or next year or in five years,

I'm going to start it. I'm saying, what are some things to celebrate who you are today that you want, that you want to do? So I started thinking of it myself.

So, Divinia, while I'm talking, you better come up with your list because I'm just thinking of it now. Now you met. It's interesting because you mentioned spend more, you know, with friends.

Okay, I'm going to be more specific because I've said that always. I've said that for years, for decades. But then I get caught up in work and then I get caught up, oh, I got to grade papers.

I can't see you this weekend. I got to do this. And now I'm starting to prioritize and I'm starting to say, yes, I do have to grade papers, but I'm going to put that off till tonight and I'm going to go out for, even if it's just an hour with somebody.

So, of course, listeners who, you know, have been tuning into our podcast. I'm the youngest of three sisters, Susie Liziani, and I'm close. All three of us are close.

And just about nine and a half months ago, I lost my sister Lizzie, and I miss her terribly. And though while I am still in mourning, if you will, I still, I'm gonna miss her forever until I see her again when Jesus comes.

But the reality is she's no longer here physically.

And so I have to keep living. And I, as my friend says, I have to choose joy. So I have another sister and I have found we've actually been talking more and I want to spend more time with it.

We both just have busy lives, by the way, in terms of spending time together. There's no bad reason why we haven't except life. So I actually am spending more time going to see her this weekend.

We talk almost every day and want to spend more time and I want to do more things with her, even if it's something simple, going out to eat, going away for A weekend an hour away or something.

And my son and my husband. And with a couple of my besties, I want to go away for a weekend. A simple getaway.

My cousin, my two of my cousins, we actually started a thing where we like to go to the theater.

So we went and saw Les Miserables in Cleveland. And now we have plans again to do it this year. To go somewhere. I want to make simple but hard and fast plans, not just put it off.

I want to take, I do take a lot of pictures. Those of, you know, on my iPhone I have like over 50,000 pictures. I gotta go through them. It's terrible.

But you know, it's funny because people groan and moan when I take Annie's got her phone out again. She's gonna. But you know what? Guess what? Guess who I'll never get to take another picture of.

My sister Lizzie.

But everybody is now, I don't get emotional here, but everybody is now saying because I'll send them a picture that I have with them and my sister and they'll be like, oh my goodness, I love this.

And they're all like, you know, Annie, we called you ridiculous and silly. You still are those things. But thank you for taking a lot of pictures because now we have those like physical memories as reminders.

I love making scrapbooks. I want to make more.

And as Divinia said, I know I do want to write that book and travel.

So that right there is kind of the start of my list. There's many more things, but I know I'm trying not to make it so huge. And everything on my list is pretty realistic,

you know, because would I like, I would love to interview Michelle Obama. I mean, it could happen. But you know, it's not as realistic as me going and spending the weekend.

Davenia: With my friend Michelle Obama. You were invited to join us on the. Didn't ask.

Annie: Michelle Obama. We want to go high. We want to go high.

Yes. So everything is realistic. And I want to definitely travel more within the United States and outside of the United States. So Divinia, I throw it to you.

Davenia: My sort of bucket list, my halftime list. Well, listeners, I have exciting news. I am about to be a grandma. Woo hoo.

Annie: Woo hoo.

Davenia: And so,

yeah, right now my world is revolving around grandbaby to be and wanting to plan little trips with him and, and writing stories for him and, and, and so just looking forward to that new phase of life.

And you know, honestly, Annie, I am. I used to have bucket lists, but now I'm in a space where I I. I want to be more available to going wherever God leads me,

wherever that may be. And so I'm. I'm trying to plan list.

Annie: Wait a minute. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Listeners, you got to stop here. If I said that, big deal. This is the woman who has everything planned in a list with color coordinated, this, that and the other.

What?

Davenia: I know, I know, I know, I know. But yes, which is. It's been challenging, but I'm giving it a try. I'm learning to, you know, wake up in the morning and, and okay, God, what's my assignment today?

Where will you have me go today? Who will you have me encounter? And. And it's scary because as you said, I like being in control. I like having my list and my plans and I like knowing.

But I am, I'm giving it a try.

And I'm just on this crazy, wild adventure with God. And we'll see. We'll see where I land. We'll see where he takes me.

But I'm excited about it and nauseated all at the same time. But yeah, there you go.

Annie: Well, it's going to be fun for us. I think we'll have to have another chit chat to see, maybe in a few months to see did we do anything on these lists?

And where did God take you since you didn't plan it? Where did he surprise you and take you?

Davenia: Wow, that'll be amazing.

Annie: Yeah, that would be so awesome.

Listeners, I am so thankful that you joined us today because it allowed divinion me. This was an. Actually an open, honest, unplanned conversation.

No interview questions. It was just Divinia and I chit chatting. And you know, the couple things that we touched upon.

There's a song from a Disney movie if any of you have ever seen the movie Milan. But one phrase of this song goes, I won't sing it for you, but it says, who is that girl I see staring straight back at me?

And it's a reflection that she's looking at? And we've talked divinity and I have talked about how many of us don't like to look at in the mirror, whether whatever age you are, you know, because honestly, I didn't like to do it in my 30s or 40s either.

Now I look back at my 30s and 40s and think I was so much better looking than now. But, you know, whatever age you're in, especially when you're in your 50s, you don't really like to look at your reflection.

But we want to change that for ourselves and for you. Listeners, because we have found that beauty lies in our experiences. Because God, as Divinia mentioned, has taken us through all these experiences and he wants to give us more wonderful experiences.

And I encourage each of you to make your own list of what you want to do and also leave a little open space for leaving it up to God. Let him surprise you with what you should do.

We had a guest,

I don't know, last year or two years ago,

maybe we'll put it in the notes as to who it was. But we had a guest once who suffered from, who's diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, MS, which you would think is a very debilitating disease.

And you can't do anything because she couldn't walk at certain times. And all this, this woman went skydiving.

What? And she did so many other things. Joanne, Joanne, she was amazing and she did stuff that I won't do. Full bodied and able bodied that she did. She. And she said she just wanted to do it.

She went and did it with Ms. And with being in a wheelchair. She went and did all these amazing things.

So anything that you want to do or are still able to do. And by the way, she was in her, I think 50s when she did this, 40s or 50s, so it wasn't like she was some 18 year old.

She was in her 40s or 50s and she did this. So please let us know, send us a message at Missouri Ministries website and let us know what fabulous things you did, do or you want to do.

Send us a picture or a short video of you doing something fabulous. Especially doing something fabulous at 50. That would be awesome. Oh, Divinia's like Annie. Then I challenge you to put something out there.

I don't know about that.

Davenia: That's right. That's right. You know, Annie,

a year ago or so we had a photo shoot, if you remember.

And in that photo shoot we had some pictures taken of our scars, which we have yet to share. But maybe, maybe we're ready, maybe with.

Annie: This episode, maybe God here, because this was not planned. Actually, listeners, we had about a two minute conversation about what we should. What Divinion and I were going to chat about.

And it went a whole different direction. And we truly believe that God leads us and guides us in every episode because things come up, even if it's planned like some of the questions.

What the guest says takes us in a different direction and we allow God to take us there. And so as we close out today's episode, I want to read, I want to refer you to Ecclesiastes 3, verse 11.

It kind of sums up everything that we've talked about today. No matter what age you are. Ladies and gentlemen, it says in Ecclesiastes 3:11. God, he hath made everything beautiful in his time.

Listeners, please don't ever forget that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are beautiful in the eyes of God and divinion. I think you're beautiful. And therefore, listeners, this song's for you.